S u r p r i s e / S o p r e s a

Sometimes what you're looking for comes when you're not looking at all.

I smiled as I clicked sent. I had never been so enthusiastic before, I couldn’t wait to tell him how I felt about him and about my acceptance to USC. I put my phone back into my bag and started working. Ricardo stared at Mr. Harris, sociology teacher, as he explained the topic for their final when Ricardo felt a vibrating sound from his pocket. Luckily for him, he sat behind Ethan, who was 6’1, so he was able to take out his phone freely.  Mr. Harris had allowed the class to get into their groups to develop their thesis for their final, Ricardo could not get off the grin of his face, “Hey, why do you have a grin on your face?” Stephanie took a seat next to Ricardo. “No reason.” He lied. “Okay… so hey, so remember we have the dance practice tonight.” “The what?” he replied. “For my sister’s quince, remember?” Stephanie realized that Ricardo was distracted. “Oh yeah, of course. I’ll be there.” He replied. Ricardo inputted some ideas about the debate to his group while Stephanie got his phone from the desk when he wasn’t looking. She saw the message that Reyna had sent him and quickly put his phone back.

Only less than 5 weeks left of school and I felt I still had a lot of unfinished work to be completed, my economic project, my Spanish country report, my AP test, etc. My mother may have had a point in which I should have quit my job so I would allow myself to enjoy my final semester in high school and share what remains with my friends and boyfriend.

Our Final Days…

… [typing]

After my resignation from the school’s newspaper [El Espejo News] as editor, Ms. Delgado, our advisor, allowed me to come back time to time to write articles. The feeling of writing informative pieces such as teacher protests, funds for field trips and more guidance counselors, allowed me to be inform about issues and be able to incorporate my fellow peer’s opinions into the pieces. “How is the article coming along?” Ms. Delgado had approached me. “Good…” I gave her a vague response because my article wasn’t ready for submission. “Not well, huh? Let me take a look.”

As the other members of the group were inputting their thoughts into the debate, Stephanie and Ricardo kept their conversation going. “Hey, it’s amazing that Reyna is going to USC in the fall, huh?” Stephanie told Ricardo. “What are you talking about?” he asked. “Yeah, Reyna got accepted to USC, didn’t she tell you?” Ricardo looked shocked and confused with the news that Stephanie had given him. “I’m sorry, I thought she did.” Ricardo stop listening to Stephanie and started to think about his future with Reyna. Why didn’t Reyna tell me?  He thought. Is she going to leave me?  Ricardo began to over analyze the situation, “Hello! Ricardo?” Stephanie tried to get Ricardo’s attention.

It was 2:45pm and the final bell had rung for the day and my eagerness to tell my boyfriend the great news was eating me alive. “I’ll email you the final edit tonight, Miss.” I told Ms. Delgado as I rushed out of class. The absence of Ricardo today made me think about how much significance he has in my life and realize my true feelings for him. The overcrowding in the hallway made it difficult for me to get to the parking lot; I tried to squeeze myself into places, people were taking their time to go home. 

As I struggle to my way to the courtyard, I crossed passed paths with Diego, “Reyna, hey wait up, can we talk?” he asked me as I kept walking. “Can’t now, I’m going to talk to my boyfriend.” I told him. Before I could give him another chance to speak, “Later, okay, I’m on my way to tell him how much I love him.” I vanished after that leaving Diego behind.Diego could not believe what Reyna had just told him. His illusions to get back together with her drop dramatically. He knew that there was no possibility to change her feelings.

Ricardo wasn’t sure where to go after he had come out from his class, “Hey, are you okay?” Stephanie asked him. “I’m good…” he replied. “Don’t tell me it’s because what I told you.” She added. “No…” he said. Before he walked away, “If she really loves you, she would respect your plans going to UCLA together.” Ricardo thought about what she said. The phrase that stood out is If she really loves you… and that was the problem.I waited patiently by my car as I watched my peers passing by as they were exiting the gate. As the crowd was decreasing and there was no sign of Ricardo, I reached for my phone and texted him. 

Reyna: Hey, I’m here already. [3:00pm]

But there was no response.

Reyna: Babe, I have exciting news to tell you. [3:02pm]

Ricardo was insecure and selfish towards his relationship with Reyna, instead of meeting her in the parking lot he decided to blow off some steam so he turned off his phone and went down to the field to play soccer and his friend Giovanni joined him.“Hey, is everything okay?” he asked him. “Why would think something is wrong?” he replied as he kicked the ball into the goal. “Well today you and Reyna weren’t together…” he said. “Reyna, wanted space from me! Can you believe that?” Ricardo’s anger was leashed.“And plus, Reyna is going to USC instead of UCLA!”

“Wow, that’s good, you must be proud of her; that’s a big accomplishment.” Ricardo was the opposite of supportive. Ricardo didn’t know what to respond. “I guess am, but... I wanted us to go to UCLA together that’s all.” He said. “Giovanni gave him a look. “Really? You’re making this about you? USC is a huge deal to her, everyone knows that, well except for you.” He said. “What I’m really upset is that she didn’t even tell me, I had to hear it from Stephanie.” Giovanni and Ricardo continue to play.

I called him after no responses but it the calls directed me to voicemail and that was strange. It was 3:30pm, the school was soon empty, I couldn’t wait any longer and left. My thrill and excitement fade away as I drove home. Reyna was disappointed and sadden that Ricardo didn’t show up, but worst he didn’t reply to her messages or calls. After his soccer session with Giovanni, Ricardo arrived to Stephanie’s house for the quince’s dance practice, “Yay, you didn’t forget.” Stephanie greeted Ricardo at the front door. “Come in, you remember everyone.” Stephanie and Ricardo walked into the kitchen. “Ricardo!” Stephanie’s mom greeted him. “Como estas mijo?” she asked in Spanish. “Bien gracias.” 

After an hour of learning the steps, Ricardo still had a difficult time in memorizing the routine; it wasn’t his fault that they recruited him in the last minute. Danna, Stephanie’s sister had been practicing for months and Ricardo had several weeks to get the dance right. “Ricky, hey, are you okay?” Stephanie asked him. “No, I’m sorry, Steph.” He replied. “It’s okay, what’s wrong?” Stephanie grab two water bottles from the table and gave one to Ricardo. “Thanks.” Ricardo told her how he was feeling towards Reyna and Stephanie took this opportunity to ruin their relationship. “Well, I think you should confront her about how you feel. Then if she chooses USC than UCLA, you will know how she really feels about you.” Stephanie said.

It was 8pm which meant that my shift was over. “I’m finally done!” I told Maria, the only co-worker that I talk to. “Hey, have you told Ruben about quitting?” she asked. “No, I will tomorrow. I have several things to do right now.” I replied. I got my things from my locker, "You need to tell him soon." she said. "I know." I waved bye and left.  As I walked out the store I had hope I would find Ricardo waiting for me by the newspaper stand like he sometimes does but there was no sign of him. What if something happened to him? I asked.

Going to school and working at the same time was no easy task, especially taking a lot of stuff, now I couldn’t wait the day I won’t have to work and enjoy my senior year with my friends. I had gotten inside of my car and was ready to go until my car would not turn on. I tried several times but the engine wasn’t functioning. Not again.  I told myself. I would have called my brother Daniel but he was working. “What happen?” Diego asked. “The engine failed again.” I said. “Let me check.” He opened the hood of the car… After a few minutes of observing it, he looked up at me and said, “Here, take my car, I’ll fix it when I get home.” Diego offered me his black Nissan Altima. “I don’t know.” I reply. “Just take it, I figure you have a lot of homework and I’m not sure how long I will need to fix it. I’ll bring it by around 9." I smiled, "Thanks Diego."

As I drove home in my ex's car, I thought about the million things I still had to do; things that I wish I could pause for a minute and take a breather. Maintaining a 4.3, working and being involved at school really took a lot from me. I would get home exhausted and having no energy to do anything, I would be tempted to fall asleep in bed but I couldn't. Luckily with the loving support of my mom I knew my nutrition wouldn't a problem. Just like every night my mom had waited for me to eat dinner. "Mom, I'm home." I kept the keys in my pocket. 

-Me alegro, mija, como estuvo tu dia?

-Era un extraño, pero un buen día

-raro, ¿por qué?

I told my mom about my day as I serve myself a cup of water and when I told her about Diego, she seemed not to be bothered by his mention of his name anymore. Rather she was kind of glad that I still remain friends with him and I didn't understand why. "So, that's why he's coming over by 9 to drop of my car." I told her.

I heard a knock on the door, "That must be him." So I stood up from the table to answer the door, but it wasn't Diego.

"Ricardo."

A B r e a k / U n D e s c a n s o

We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity. We need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing, and inclusion.  – Max de Pree

School's Parking Lot

“So, how come you didn’t go to pick up mi cunis like every morning?” Karla asked as Ricardo had entered the school’s parking lot. “You know we aren’t always together.” He replied. “Oh… you and Reyna having problems, huh?” Ricardo’s tone in voice change “Just because I didn’t pick her up doesn’t mean we’re having problems.” “Calm down, I was only kidding…” Karla said. “I found it weird because you’re always with her.” She added. Ricardo got off the car. “Ricky.” Karla glanced at her brother and realized something was wrong with him. Ricardo locked the car and walked away. “Don’t wait up for me, I’m going to Gabby’s afterschool.” Karla watched how quickly Ricardo disappeared in the crowd of people.

“We missed this.” Melissa said. “I mean, don’t take it the wrong way, we love Ricardo but you too were like a married couple.” Lucy added. I smiled. “It’s okay. I was getting a bit annoyed but last night I told him my concerns and we’re giving each other some space.” I told them. “So, like a break?” Melissa asked. “No, like distance from each other. We both agree to hangout more with our friends.” I said. My friends gave a me a look. “It’s a break up.” Lucy said. “No. it’s not.” I said. “Ohh… okay.” I changed the conversation, “So, we should hangout this weekend.” I suggested. “Yeah, let’s go to the movies.” My friends began to talk among each other with excitement, while my mind wondered somewhere else.

“Hey, man.” Gustavo, one of Ricardo’s friends approached him. “Hey. Where are the others?” Ricardo asked. “With their girls… speaking of, where is Reyna?” Right before he could answer, Ricardo saw Reyna passed by him along with her friends. “There she goes…” he smiled. As she passed by, Ricardo caught a glimpse of her laughter; he realized how happy she seemed to be and began to wonder if he was holding her back and if “Are you okay?” Gustavo asked his friend. “Yeah, I’m good.”

Ricardo and I shared a look as I passed by him in the hallway, and for a moment I thought I saw a smile but I looked away quickly that I couldn’t see it clearly. I didn’t give much thought if I should say hi or not, I was too busy having a great time with my friends to think.  “Did you see that? Gus was checking me out.” Karina said. I gave her a look. “What?” she asked. “Oh, nothing.” We all smiled. Soon, my friends and I got separated in the hallways as each of us walked towards our classes.

“Reyna.” I heard a familiar voice as I walked into my Economic class, I turned around and saw Diego with a grin on his face. I rolled my eyes as I took my seat. “How are you?” he asked me. If he had asked me that question a few months back, I would give him a different answer from the one I gave him. “Stressed out.” As you may remember, Diego humiliated me in front of the entire school, making in public that I was only a joke to him and since then our encounters have been limited to school and unfortunately at work. “I must imagine.” He replied.

As my relationship with Ricardo began to grow, over time Diego had slowly began showing interest in me again, not romantically but as a friend. I wasn’t sure how to approach his interest, at first I looked away and ignored that he existed but overtime his change convinced me. Not only that but we were classmates and co-workers so we had to co-exist with each other. So, how’s the car doing?” he asked. A few weeks ago, I had trouble with my car and Diego offered to fix it. “It’s doing a lot better. Thanks.” I smiled. Our conversations were limited to small talk such as: how are you? What have you been up to? Questions that didn’t generate a conversation. The second bell had rung, Diego stood up and went to his seat, while I prepared for class.

During the class discussion about United States economy, Ariana observed how Reyna interacted with the teacher, Mr. Gamez; she didn’t understand how Reyna made it so easily for all the teachers to like her and give her special treatment. Ariana’s jealously towards Reyna grew and she could not stand it another second. As she was staring at the board, Aria glanced over at Diego who could not stop staring at Reyna, and in that moment Aria figured out how she was going to get Diego to help her.

Economics was not that boring like other students made it seem to be, in the contrary it was interesting especially have a disagreement with the teacher. One of the hardest class I had was AP Calculus, people in the year before me even warned me not to take and I did anyway. Every time I walked out of that class I would get a headache for putting too much pressure on my mind. Even if I had a difficult time in Calculus I didn’t hate it, in the contrariare it pushed me harder to do better. “Reyna, just breathe in and breathe out.” My friend Jocelyn told me as the teacher collected our exams. “I just can’t help it. Calculus gets to me.” I told her. “It’s only a practice exam.” She said. “I know, but I felt like I could have done better.” Perhaps Ricardo had a point when he referred that I had a lot going on and that I needed to let some things go. “We’re having a study session this weekend if you want to join us.” Jaime, my classmate who was in our group, suggested. I had already made plans with my friends, I thought. “What time, because I work weekends.” I said. “On Saturday and Sunday at 4. Is that good?” Jocelyn said. “I think so.” I replied. The bell rang for lunch. “I’ll text you the details.” Jocelyn said.

Lunch

To be completely honest, I felt relieved, free, and weird not having Ricardo by my side; I know it was wrong for me to say that but it was how I was feeling in that moment. Lucy and I found our usual table occupied so we decided to sit outside. “So how’s the whole thing with Ricardo going?” she asked. “I miss him.” I confessed to her. “Really? It hasn’t been a day.” Lucy smiled. “I know, and I get the whole space thing but at least he would send me a text.” I kept staring at my phone waiting to buzz but nothing. I still had to talk to him about USC. Melissa and Karina joined us at the table. “Hey. So did you tell her yet?” Karina asked me. “Tell me what?” Lucy asked. “I got to USC.” “What??” “Yeah, our nerd got in to USC.” Karina added. Melissa and Karina congratulated me. “Don’t tell Ricardo, he doesn’t know yet.” I said.

Ariana overheard what Reyna had just told her friends and it was no surprise to her that Reyna had gotten in to USC. “Did I hear right? You got into USC?” Ariana approached to Reyna’s table. “Sorry to eavesdrop but I couldn’t help it.” Reyna smiled. “Yeah, I got the letter yesterday.” “Congrats Reyna, you deserve it.” Ariana smiled. “Thanks Ari, have you heard anything?” Reyna asked. “No, and I doubt it. I’m going to UC Berkeley.” “Aw, that’s a great school.” Reyna replied. “Well, I have to go, see you in class.” Aria walked away.  

“What was that about?” Stephanie asked Aria. “Just found out that Reyna got into USC.” “Wasn’t that school that you got denied from?” Stephanie replied. “Yeah.” Aria held her face expression clam but inside she was feeling full of rage and jealously.

While Lucy was talking about her English class and the controversial debate they had, I took the time to go get something to eat. “Hey…” I turned and it was Diego who standing in line behind me. “Hi.” I smiled. I tried not to make it obvious that we were talking. “Step away a little. I don’t want my friends to see you near me.” I told him. “Oh, isn’t this a bit extreme. We’re friends. Or unless they don’t know what.” I was facing forward. “No, they don’t and I don’t want them to find out.” I said.

“Just shhh! I don’t want anyone to see us.”

Stephanie and Ariana were witnesses of Reyna’s and Diego’s discreet conversation. “Can’t she be more obvious?” Stephanie said. “They’re just friends.” Ariana said. “I doubt it. I think there’s more… then why is she hiding it.” Stephanie said.  “Diego!” Stephanie called out across the cafeteria. “Hey, what’s up?” Diego sat down next to Aria. “We need your help.” “Um, with what?” Diego asked. “We noticed you and Reyna talking… are you still into her?” she asked him. “Why do you want to know?” he replied. “Well, we want to help you to get her back.” Aria said. “Why?” he asked. “ Do you want her back or not?” “Yeah I do.” He replied. “Well, I know a way to get Ricardo out of the way. Just keep talking to her but be more out there.” Stephanie said. “Reyna doesn’t love me anymore.” Diego said. “Diego, just do what we do, and I promise she’ll be all yours again. “Aria said. Diego didn’t understand what Aria and Stephanie we’re planning but he didn’t care, if that meant getting Reyna back, he was willing to do anything.

“What was that about?” Lucy asked me as soon as I sat down. “What?” I asked. “You thought I wouldn’t see huh, you and Diego.” I ignored Lucy's comment and jumped into Melissa and Karina's conversation. I could not tell my friends about Diego, I could imagine what Lucy would say and I could not let this be a big deal. 

As the bell had rung for class, I thought about Ricardo and how it felt strange not having here with me. I know it was my idea for the break, and I should stick with it but I couldn't hold it anymore, I just had to text him. (I was not dependent on him, I just realize that I could not live with out him.)

Reyna: Meet me by my car. I have something to tell you. 1:55 pm 

M a k i n g D e c i s i o n s / T o m a n d o D e c i s i o n e s

Trust your instincts, and make judgement on what your heart tells you. The heart will not betray you. - David Gemmell

In our lives we make decisions every day, whether there are small or big, and with each decision we make there may or may not be consequences. There are choices that we must take, especially ones that will impact our lives and what direction we will go in life. For every choice we make, no matter what size it is, there is no easy way to make the right choice.

As a girl in her last year in high school, and weeks away from graduation, I was forced to make quick decisions about my future; decisions that I knew would not be easy to make but it had to be done. And I knew that my time was running out and if I didn't make the choice I would miss my opportunity to be the person who I always I wanted to be.  A part of me felt like the studious girl who I thought I was before Ricardo was no longer there. Daily, I had felt like my relationship with Ricardo had consume me completely and I didn't want that. I thought that I could manage both a relationship and my school work; I did with Diego so why not with Ricardo? Every time I focused on my school work it would affect Ricardo and every time I focused on my relationship my school work would be affected.

That night Reyna couldn’t fall asleep, she kept twisting and turning in bed trying to fall asleep but nothing worked. She could not stop thinking about Ricardo had confessed to her that night, it wasn’t because she was happy he said it but because she couldn’t say it back. Was Reyna doubting her feelings toward Ricardo or was it because she felt Ricardo was being a bother to her? It was 11:45, Reyna reached for her phone from her night stand and texted Ricardo.

Reyna: Hey, are you awake? {11:45pm}

A few minutes later.

Ricardo: Hey, yeah, I’m awake. {11:47pm}

As she typed her response, she realized that she couldn’t do this over a text message.

Ricardo: Are you okay? [11:51pm}

Reyna: Can you talk? [11:52pm]

Ricardo: Yeah. {11:55pm]

“Hey.” Reyna put her hair into a bun as she held her phone between her shoulder and her cheek. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Yeah, I’m good.” She responded. “About what I said today…” Before he could his finish thought, Reyna interrupted, “I appreciate what you told me. I really like you a lot. But I was actually calling for something else.” Reyna could not find the right words to say without hurting his feelings. “Um, Ricardo, I’ve been thinking about us and lately, we’ve been…” before she could finish the sentence, “Spending too much time with other.” Ricardo finished her sentence. Reyna smiled. “I don’t want to become those couples that spend every second together and then they break up at the end.” Reyna said. “Um, I get it. I’ve been thinking about that too and you’re right.” Reyna was relieved that Ricardo felt the same way. “Maybe, we could give each other some space.” Ricky added. “Exactly.” Reyna agreed. “Like a break from each other.” He said. Reyna didn’t like where this was going.” No. I mean, let’s make time with our friends and stuff.” Reyna explained herself. “Oh. Yeah, sounds good.” He replied. “Well, it’s late, I’m going to sleep.” Ricardo told Reyna and immediately hung up. “Good night.” The call had ended right before Reyna had the chance to say good night.

Last night’s conversation was needed, I felt like the last few days Ricardo and I had been spending too much with each other, he was either driving me to school, to my house or to work. I felt like he would spend all his free time with me and I felt guilty for giving me all the attention.  

I had arrived to school's parking lot like 7:15 in the morning; there was hardly any cars parked, I guess I was too early. Before I started dating Ricardo and during my relationship with Diego I would arrived to campus like 7:20 and spend the morning in the library reviewing class notes, making final edits of papers or projects. That morning the library hadn't been open so I decided to sit down under the tree by the old bench. "Reyna, hey..." My friend Karina approached me. "Karina, hey..." I was surprised to see her at school this early, she would usually get to school late. "What are you doing here so early?" I asked. "My mom drop me off early, she's tired that I'm always getting detention." she smiled. "So, where's Ricardo? I'm surprised that he's not here." Karina took a seat across from where I was sitting. "Well, from now on, I've decided to drive to school myself..." I said. "Oh no, what happen?" was the first thing she asked me. "Nothing, I just realized that I've been spending too much time with him." I said. "Yeah, we've noticed." Karina commented. I smiled.

Ricardo stood in front of the refrigerator deciding what to eat. "Move over, I'm hungry too." Karla, his younger sister, pushed him out of the way. Ricardo seemed to be a bit distracted after last night's conversation with Reyna; he felt like Reyna wanted distance was because of what he said and she didn't feel the same way for him. "Are you going to eat something or what?" Karla sat down to eat her cereal. 

"Well, the reason that I came in early today is that I have a lot in my mind and just wanted time to think." "About what?" she asked me. "About my future... with college and my relationship." I told her. "Oh, I see." she replied. "Yeah, the thing is what is going to happen when we go off to college?" I asked her. "Well, I believe it's a normal to question your relationship, but I thought you two already agreed to go to UCLA together... wait... unless you got accepted to USC?" I couldn't help but to smile. "No way! You got accepted?" Karina could always read me. "Yeah, I got the letter yesterday." Karina stood up and hugged me. "Congrats!" "Thanks, now you see my problem. I have to tell him that I won't be going to UCLA and I don't want to disappoint him, he was so thrill." I told Karina. "Amiga, I'm sure he will understand, he knows that USC is your dream school. You cannot make a life changing decision because of him, that won't be right for you or him or the relationship." Karina was right, I had to tell Ricardo my plans about going to USC and not UCLA, even if it meant breaking up, a decision that I had to make.

"We need to make a decision and quick." Stephanie told Ariana who was getting her things from the car. "A decision about what?" she asked. "About how to get Reyna out of Ricardo's life." Stephanie stated. "Can I ask you something Steph?" Ariana followed Stephanie. "Why are you so determined to get her out of the picture? Do you still love Ricardo?" Aria asked. Stephanie stopped walking and face her. "No, of course not.” Stephanie laughed. Stephanie didn’t wanted to admitted to herself but she regretted not fighting for her relationship with Ricardo. 

Rather waiting for the library to open, I decided to accompany Karina to the cafeteria to meet up with my other friends. "Um, Karina, there is another reason that I didn't want Ricardo to drive me to school today." I told Karina as we reach for our breakfast. "What is it?" she asked. "Ricardo... um last night told me that he loves me." I reached for a banana from the basket, "Aww..." I grinned. "What is it? Aren't you happy that he told you how he feels, most guys won't say it." Karina said. "Yeah, but I kind of feel bad because I didn't say it back. I can't say it if I don't feel the same. I mean, I like him and a lot, but love, I don't know."

"Isn't that too childish, but it might work. Good thinking Aria." Stephanie kept walking towards the back of the school where she met with her boyfriend Oscar, "Wait it a minute," she said before going on, "Aria, but I thought you are friends with Reyna, why are you helping me?" Stephanie asked Aria before she left. There were things that Stephanie didn’t know about Ariana for example why she was willing to sacrifice her friendship with Reyna to ruin her. What Stephanie didn’t know was that Aria had a plan of her own that involved becoming friends with Stephanie and maintaining the friendship with Reyna. Ariana and Reyna were friends since elementary school and were best friends in middle school until she realized that Reyna was getting everything Ariana wanted without trying. First it was the summer trip to Spain that only two students got selected and Reyna was one of those students. Since then, little by little Ariana started to envy Reyna for the smallest things such as the grades, the teachers attention, and how she manages to get a guy’s, Ricardo’s, attention without trying. So, in the last months, Aria had been developing a plan to ruin her chances in becoming the class valedictorian and her relationship with Ricardo.  

As we continued talking my other two close friends, Lucy and Melissa joined us at the table. "Reyna, is that you?" Melissa made fun of me. I laughed. "Yeah, it's me." I said. "Y ese milagro, where's Ricardo?" Lucy asked. "Probably still at home." I replied. "So, you guys didn't drive to school together?" Melissa sat across from me." Nope, I realized that we were spending too much time together." I smiled. "Yeah, we noticed." Melissa said. "Well, finally, you have a little freedom, Ricardo is a bit clingy." Lucy told me. I smiled. I didn't reply back because what Lucy said was true. 

"So, what's new?" I asked. 

U n e x p e c t e d / I n e s p e r a d o

Expect the Unexpected

Reyna never understood how things ended between Ricardo’s and Stephanie’s relationship, the only detail that Reyna got from Ricardo was that he broke things off with her because they were fighting a lot and when he started to have feelings for her, but Reyna felt there was more than that. The truth was that Stephanie broke his heart when she left him for someone else. Whenever Reyna was included in the conversations between them she felt out of place, it was like they still had a special bond. A part of her felt like Ricardo still had unsolved feelings for her that’s why she didn’t like him spending time with her.

Stephanie watched Ricardo drive away with Reyna, Ugh, what does he see in her? She asked herself. “Are you talking to yourself again?" her friend Ariana walked up to her. "Of course not. I just saw Ricardo and Reyna leave together." Ariana gave Stephanie one of her looks, "When are you going to let that go?" she asked Stephanie as she got on the car. "Never! It wasn't a week after our break up when they started dating. She took him away from me." Stephanie said. "Well... what gives you a right? Didn't you cheat on Ricardo with Oscar?" "Just shut up." Stephanie told Ariana as they left.

Later that night Ricardo drove me back home, “I had a great time.” I told him as he turned off the car. We look deeply in each other’s eyes and we lean towards each other’s lips and started to kissed with an intense passion but I realize it was getting heated, I pulled away. I smiled. “Wow, um, I have to go in.” He got my left hand before I could open the door. “Wait… I have to tell you something.” He took both of my hands and looked into my eyes, "What is it?" I asked nervously. "The last few months with you have been the best in my life so far and I wanted to tell you that I... love you." 

I sat there, not knowing how to respond to his confession; I liked Ricardo a lot but I wasn't in love with him well not yet and I didn't want to lie to him by responding me too. I smiled. "Thanks, um, I'll see you tomorrow." I open the door and got off the car as quickly as possible. "Hey wait..." Ricardo had gotten off his car and reached for my arm before I entered my front gate, "What's wrong?" he asked. I smiled and then I kissed him. "See you tomorrow." Ricardo watched as Reyna walked away from him. "Bye." Was the last thing he said to her before Reyna walked in her house. I had reached to my front door, I didn't bother looking back because I knew he would still be there and I couldn't look at him. It's not that I didn't like him, I did but the I love you thing caught me by surprise. As Ricardo drove home that night, he thought about how Reyna had reacted to his strong feelings for her and wondered if it was the thought saying it was too soon or she didn't feel the same way.

 “Reyna, sweetheart, is that you?” My mom called me out from the kitchen. I laid my bag on the sofa and walked over to the kitchen to greet her. “Hi mom.” I hugged her and kissed her in the cheek. "Cariño, un sobre grange llegó para ti en el correo hoy." I glanced over at the dining table, and there was a white sealed envelope laying on top of my mom's cookbooks. Could it be? I asked myself without acting too excited. USC Office of Admission. "Open it." My mom told me. I took a deep breath and open the envelope. I took out the letter and it said, “Congrats, Reyna Munoz, for your college acceptance to USC.” "Qué dice?" My mother was waiting patiently for my answer. "Mami, me aceptaron.” I told her with excitement. The University of Southern California (USC) was my dream school, ever since middle school when we visited the campus for a class field trip, I felt in love with the campus. And even though it was a private college, and the tuition was not affordable, I knew that through scholarships, financial aid and my college savings I was going to afford it. My mom left what she was doing and hugged me, "Felicidades mija, estoy muy orgullosa de ti."

I was in a state of shock, me, Reyna Munoz, got accepted to the University of Southern California, I could not believe it. I sat in the living room chair staring at the acceptance letter, all my hard work the last few years, had finally paid off. As I thought about my future at USC, I started to think about Ricardo and this acceptance to USC would change things between us. 

I could not risk my future solely on my acceptance to USC, so I applied to other several schools like UCLA, UCI and UCSD and of course with my luck I was accepted to all of them, but my back up choice was UCLA. The thing was that Ricardo had also been accepted UCLA and when he found out he immediately assume that we would be going together. For a while, I had agreed to that idea and as time passed and I didn't get my letter, I knew that I was going to UCLA with him. But now, things changed... how was I going decide between them? My boyfriend or my dream school? 

O n e Y e a r L a t e r . . . / U n A ñ o D e s p u é s

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” – Andy Warhol

Almost a year had passed and things… well weren’t the same but also weren’t different. Well, first of all I was a graduating senior, who was awarded two scholarships, one was for my art portfolio and the other was for my academic achievement and second of all, I was in a relationship with Ricardo. I was in shock myself in accepting him because, as you may recall, after Diego I told myself I was not going to allow another boy distract (hurt) me again. However, over the summer, I realized that I could not allow myself to be full of hate because of one boy; I had to shake it off and let it go.

The summer that followed, Ricardo and I became good friends, and after a while of hanging out, we started to have feelings for each other and one day he asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted. It wasn’t easy to say yes, even though I knew my feelings for him were strong, I still had my trust issues and he knew that. But despite that, Ricardo was willing to wait and he did.

In high school, most of my time, 89%, I would spend on studying, mostly because of the vigorous courses that I was taking, AP English, AP Calculus and AP Physics. No, I was not crazy, but I like to challenge myself if not what’s the point of learning if everything comes easy. One of my favorite places to go in school was the library, not because that’s the place that all nerds go but something I was fond of books and their knowledge. Ever since my parents divorced, I spent a lot of time in the public library, I read books as a way to escape reality for a couple of hours. 

Thursday, April 2010

3:55pm Despite that Photography class had been cancelled, and being the overachiever that I was I stayed afterschool to get ahead/catch up on assignments. In high school I had to balance work, school, friends and extracurrilar activities, and there several occasions that I would get behind in my school work. For example, that day I had to finish a writing response for my AP English, thankfully I gained trust in my teachers to give me extensions on my homework otherwise I wouldn’t know what to do.

“Hey, what’s taking you so long?” Ricardo sat in the available seat next to mines. “Sorry, I’m almost done. I promise.” As I type my conclusion paragraph, I saw how Ricardo was staring at the screen, “Is that your English homework?” he asked. “Um, yeah.” I replied. “I thought you finished it last night.” I smiled. “Nope. I was too tired from work.” I said as I continued to write my thoughts. I couldn’t see the look in Ricardo’s face but I could imagine it. Ricardo worried that I overworked myself and sometimes he tried to convince me to let some activities go but I told him not to worry that I could handle it.

I began to feel hands in my shoulder, “What are you doing?” I asked him. “I’m trying to make you relax a bit… you’re a bit tense.” I smiled as I finished my assignment. Ricardo was a great boyfriend and I really liked him; he would do the smallest thing to make me feel better. “Okay. I’m finally done.” I told Ricardo but he wasn’t there anymore. “Ricardo?”  

Suddenly I felt two hands around my waist, “I’m right behind you.” He whispered in my ear. I smiled. “I thought you left.” I turned around and realized that he was holding a flower that seem to be fresh cut from the school’s garden. “No, I wanted to give you something when you finished.” Ricardo kissed me. “Ricardo, let me go, I have to go turn in the paper.” Ricardo held me tight, like he was going to lose me or something. To be honest, I wasn’t really a person who enjoyed showing public affection that’s why I felt a bit tight. “I’ll wait by the car.” He kissed me and left.

Ms. Delgado was among my favorite teachers in high school, she wasn’t only my teacher and mentor but I considered as a friend. She deeply cared for each one of her students; she never gives up on them and that’s what I admire about her. I walked over to Ms. Delgado’s classroom, “Ms. Delgado…” I open the door. “Come in, Reyna.” I placed the paper in her desk, “Once again, thank you allowing to turn the assignment late.” “I understand Reyna, you’re a dedicated student who despite working a part-time job you manage to complete your assignments.” I smiled. Ms. Delgado skimmed through my assignment. “Excellent analysis Reyna. Why didn’t you speak up in class today, this would have been an excellent discussion?” she asked me. Back in high school, I was not much of a class participant, I was a bit shy and reserve and didn’t like the attention, however due to my lack of participation I compensated my thoughts and opinions in my writing. “Doesn’t matter. Reyna you’re a good writer.” she added. “Really?” I questioned it because I was never good in writing; I always had a difficult time in expressing my thoughts without any grammar issues but when teachers like Ms. Delgado commented in my writing I felt proud. “Yes, I’m sure of it. You should really think about majoring in English. Have you decided what school you’re going?” she asked me. “I don’t know. My acceptance letter from USC hasn’t arrived. Maybe UCLA.” I replied. I walked towards the door, “I almost forgot, were you able to write the letter of recommendation for the program?” I asked. “Yes, I did, last week.” She replied.

Ever since I got together with Ricardo, my feelings towards Diego slowly disappeared; at the beginning it was not easy to see him every day but then the awkwardness just went away, well that’s what I thought. Diego and I hardly made eye contact, and it was weird when we did, it’s like we were two perfect strangers that never knew each other. I walked towards the parking lot to meet with Ricardo when I spotted Diego walking the opposite direction, there was no need to avoid him but that day I decided to make a left turn towards the gym to avoid him looking at me. I had no clue why I had done that. 

As I kept thinking about what I did, I glanced towards the parking lot and realized Ricardo was speaking to his ex- girlfriend Stephanie. I marched towards Ricardo, “Hey, I’m ready.” I took Ricardo by his hands. “Reyna… hey.” Stephanie greeted me. “Stephanie. Hi.” I smiled. Even though Ricardo and Stephanie had ended in good terms, I felt it was weird for them to continue being friends. “I was just asking Ricardo if he wants to dance in my sister’s quince.” 

“Oh… really?” I gave him a look. “Yeah, I’m just waiting for me to answer me.” Stephanie said. “Well… okay, tell Denise I’ll do it.” Ricardo replied.  I wanted him to say no, I know that’s selfish for me to say but I couldn’t stand him hanging out with Stephanie. “Awesome perfect. Practices are every day at 5 til 7 at my house.” Stephanie said. "Okay, I'll be there." "Great. See you there on Saturday then." Stephanie walked away. "Ready?" he asked me. "Yeah." Ricardo kindly open the door for me. 

“Hey, you’ve been quiet the whole ride over here, are you okay?” The whole ride to the movies I wanted to tell Ricardo how I felt about him hanging out with Stephanie but I didn’t say anything. “Yeah.” I smiled. “Are you sure?” he asked me again before we got off the car. “Yeah, I’m sure.” I lean over and kissed him. “Let’s go.” 

{From now on, I'll be posting extra dialogue to my story, I don't know if that exactly happen but that's how I imagine it did. Thanks for reading.} 

F i r s t L o v e / E l P r i m e r A m o r

“My daddy said, that the first time you fall in love, it changes you forever and no matter how hard you try, that feeling just never goes away.”- Nicholas Sparks

Our first love is the hardest to let go and the hardest to forget; it’s like you’ll always carry it inside of you. People say that first love is the love of your life and should never let it once you find it, but sometimes life presents you with someone else. Some people are very fortunate to find their true love in their first relationship, if they communicate and work on the relationship every day, but there are others that no matter what you do it doesn’t work out.

I didn’t consider my relationship with Diego as my first love when I was in high school because I didn’t know what love was until I met my fiancé. As a 15-year-old in high school I didn’t know the concept of love or its characteristics, it was until I met Ricardo Heredia when I understood what love was. 

May 25, 2009

Days turned into weeks, my painful humiliation turned into the last gossip around school; it had been 3 weeks and I could still hear people whisper’s in the hallways. I would hear other’s student’s comments, like poor girl, how could Diego do that to her? Or, she should have seen that coming, Diego is too good for her. I ignored the comments and focused on my studies, the end of the year was approaching and I had no time for hurt or it’s company. 

Photography Class

"Reyna..." Ms. Jimenez called me. "Yes, miss." I quickly woke up from my thoughts. "Reyna, you're truly exceptional with the camera, you should seriously think about making a career in photography?" Ms. Jimenez, my photography teacher told me. I smiled and said, "Thanks Miss, but photography is only a pastime." I replied. "Yeah, Reyna, the miss is right, you're a natural." my friend Melissa joined in the conversation. I continued to work on my end of the term portfolio. I had managed to complete 15 photographs and its captions, I just needed 5 more. At the start of each term, the miss gave us a topic and our task was to capture the theme and make it our own and by the end of the term we must create a portfolio with the work that represents the topic. Our topic of the Spring Semester was Passion. I laid my photographs in the table, "Reyna, have you finished?" Melissa came over to my table. "Um, not yet, I need 5 more pictures." I showed her the progress that I had made. "So deep." She said. "How about you?" I walked over to her station. "Just need one more but I also need the captions." 

"Let's go walk around school and see what we can find?" I said. "Yeah, sounds fun." Melissa took the cameras from the closet. "Diego hasn't shown up to class, do you think he dropped?" Melissa asked. Diego and I actually met in photography club in our freshmen year, we loved taking pictures of each other and would often do silly poses and faces which made photography class so much fun. "I hope so..." I replied. While Melissa was taking shots at the old bench, I glance over at Mr. Howard's class and saw Diego walking with Alyssa. I tried not to let it bother me, so I turned around and focus my attention to Melissa. "You still love him, huh?" she asked. "No." I lied, the truth was that I still did, despite what he did to me.

After 20 minutes of walking around campus, Melissa and I walked back to the classroom, “Those are good photographs…” I told her. “You think?” she asked and I simply gave her a smile. As we took our first steps inside the class, we saw Diego flirting with Jasmine, “What a jerk!” Melissa said. “It doesn’t bother me anymore.” And I walked away. “I’m going to be in the dark room, developing.” I told Melissa.  I could have dropped Photography to avoid Diego but I didn’t want him to take another good thing away from me. And plus, photography allowed me to express how I felt without saying it.

At least once a month, Ms. Jimenez gave me the responsibility to clean her class and make sure our materials used are place back where they belong. It was 4:45pm and everyone had left except for Melissa and a few others. I cleaned the tables and swept the floor. “Reyna, are you coming?” Melissa asked. “No, you go ahead, I have to make sure everything is put into place.” I replied. “Okay, well see you tomorrow.”

The class was practically empty when Melissa left, “Make sure to put your things away.” I told two of my classmates. I gathered the last of the lens that were left on the table and placed them on shelf in the closet. As I got ready to leave, I heard a loud noise from the dark room, I put down my bag and went to check what it was. I heard the noise again, Was there someone still in there? “Hello?” But there was no answer, maybe it was in my imagination, later I heard some laugher. I leaned in to see if anyone was there but it was dark, so I got a flashlight from the closet. I pointed the flash light to a shirt, the same shirt that Diego was wearing, and next to shirt it was Jasmine’s scandals. I dropped the flash light and rushed out the dark room.

I took my portfolio and my bag from the chair, turned off the lights and locked the classroom. I knew that they were still in there, and I didn’t care. I slowly walked towards my car, and thought about how pathetic I look sobbed for someone who isn’t worth it. I could feel the gentle fresh breeze in my face, as I walked, I admire the fresh cut green grass and decided to sit down for a bit. With no one looking, I covered my face and started to cry. After 5 minutes crying, I realized someone approached me, “Hey, are you okay?” I looked up to see who had spoken to me. “Yeah, I’m okay.” I lied. “You sure, I swear that I heard you crying.” He said. “Yeah, I’m sure.” I stood up from the grass and walked away from the guy.

“Reyna.” I stopped walking and turned to face him. “What happen?” he asked. “Don’t act like you haven’t heard.” I replied rudely and kept walking. “I’m sorry…” Ricardo Heredia, the co-captain of the soccer team, told me. As I kept walking, I realized that he was following me, “Is there a problem?” I asked him angrily. “No… I was just walking to my car. Diego really hurt you huh?” “What is that supposed to mean?” I replied. “I mean that you aren’t like this, angry.” He said. “How do you know that? You don’t know me.” I said.

“True, but I know that you’re not that type of person. Reyna we’ve been going to the same schools since elementary.” I suddenly stop and face him. “Why are you talking to me?” I asked. “We never talked before.” I added. “There’s always a first time” he smiled. Ricardo was well known around the school and I was shock that he was talking to me; usually people like them don’t talk to us, smart people. “Let me walk you to your car.” He offered. For an instant Ricardo took away my sadness and replaced it with a smile. “Thanks, but won’t your girlfriend get mad.”

“Don’t worry about it.” I reached for my car keys and open my car. “Thanks for walking me over.” I said. “No problem… whenever you want someone to talk to, I’m here.” I looked at him. “I hope I won’t have to, but thanks for the offer.” I got in the car. “Ricardo!” “Um, I think someone is calling you.” It was Stephanie Rosales, his girlfriend, she waiting for him by his car… “Well I have to go. Bye.”

That night, I decided to write everything that had occurred in my journal from Diego to Ricardo; this thing with Diego could not repeat itself so I decided to add something to my journal entry.

I AM NOT LETTING ANY GUY OR ANYONE DISTRACT ME FROM REACHING MY GOAL. I CANNOT FALL IN LOVE, IT ONLY DISTRACTS ME AND GIVES ME PAIN AND I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THAT.

-        10:57PM

Since that particularly day my life changed completely. Ricardo not only became a friend, but my best friend and then eventually my boyfriend. 

M y S t o r y / M i H i s t o r i a

“Realize that if a door closed, it’s because what was behind it wasn’t meant for you.” - Mandy Hale

Let me start by asking a question, Has it happen that you question yourself why certain things happen to you? Why you and no one else? In the last 10 years, I never understood why I had experienced certain situations such as failed relationships, car accident, pregnancy but I know why. One of the reasons we are placed in these situations because GOD is trying to test our capacity how to handle them and also because these situations were meant as a path, to guide me to something better such as an amazing job, baby and a husband.

I want to give you all a glimpse of my life and how a single decision can affect your entire life. I want to share a story how I became a happily married mother of a baby girl and hope I could be some guidance.There might be a lot of things happening in your life right now but don't take it as a bad thing, see it as a path to something better. We don't always have to depend our happiness or change to a certain individual but in my case it's different because that person came in my life unexpectedly and made me a better person.

My name is Reyna Munoz Espinosa and this is my story.

I grew up in a house in the city of Long Beach, near the corner of Palo Verde and Stearn, a couple of blocks down from California State University, Long Beach. For the first nine years of my life my family lived in complete harmony apart from the daily screaming matches between my sister and my mother but other than it was okay. I lived with my father, Gustavo, my mom, Olivia, my older sister, Anna and my older brother Daniel. Before my 10th birthday, my mother had a break down when my father abandoned our family for another woman, according to my sister Ana. My mother tried to keep herself together but there were moments that I saw her crying in her room. This took a major affect in our family, especially for my older sister Ana, who had to struggled to get my mom together and helped taking care of me and my brother. I felt a little bad because Ana, only 15, had to sacrifice her social life for us.

When it was time for Anna to move out for college, my mother was doing much better, Anna wanted to stay close to her but my mother wouldn't let her. From that point on, my mother made sure that Daniel and I were okay. Daniel worked at my Uncle Luis's yard to make extra cash around the house and I concentrated on school. However, by the age of 15, instead of having a Quinceanera like most girls of my age were having, I had to settle for a old used car that my aunt Sandra gave me. I didn't complain because I knew that my mom could afford such luxury. That same year, I got a job at the local market Los Frutos that was down the street. I tried giving my weekly checks to my mother but she didn't accept any of it but instead she told me to save it for college because she knew that I was going to University of Southern California (USC), a private college.

Other than working a part-time job and school, I was also involved in several school activities, such as the photography club, the school newspaper, high achievers club (the nerds) and Science club. So, basically my life in high school had no time for drama. I had little or no time for a social life, however, that changed when I got my first crush who then became my boyfriend, Diego Becerra. Diego became a huge part of my life, he and I were in sync, he would stay after school with me to study and other times he would test me for my math tests. He was perfect and we were in love, well that's what I thought until he broke my heart in front of the entire school.

And in that point, I didn't want to deal with any more with boys or drama and just wanted to focus on school and my future. Well, that's what I thought... 

To Be Continued...